Veteran's Day

For Veteran’s Day weekend our Military Friendship and Support Group does a popular picture prayer board at my church. Families send in pictures of loved ones now deceased to loved ones currently deployed.  It is very special to be the custodian of other people’s cherished memories, hopes and prayers. The weight of this small, simple task never escapes me. 11/12/2010

A Good Back to School Weekend

There isn’t time for everything. Especially when I’m playing the pseudo-single mom role (I won’t call myself a true single mom, because my husband is in the picture as a huge support, he’s just away.) Amidst soccer games and last minute school supplies, paying mid-month bills in the nick of time, filling out the next bunch of school forms, and learning about all the fundraisers that are starting, I made time for satisfaction, even during the second weekend after the kids started back to school. Between soccer games, I cooked and I baked! I had the gals over on short notice for some late night snacks and chat while the kids slept upstairs! Accepting no arguments, I took the kids to the park for an hour to practice soccer! We counted their piggy banks! It was a very good, very satisfying weekend.

I did give up my shower. And doing my hair, and putting on makeup.  But today, I have out-of-the-house things to get done, so shower and dressed to the shoes is the program! My hair smells like grape as I used up the last of the girls’ conditioner that they can’t get out of the bottle, because I’m still my type of don't-waste-it mom.  But my hair is styled and sleek. Some days make-up is like war paint as I prepare to face the world. Dotted on concealer hides the under-eye circles. Blending in more concealer finishes the job. A little rose on the lips and a little black on the lashes. Now I look adult, and the smell of the grape conditioner is fading under the hairspray. The jeans probably have grass in the cuffs from watching the early morning weekend soccer game. I’ll just shake that out and run a rag across my shoe toes. I’m ready to face the world.
9/20/10

The Sound I Hate

I just talked to a military wife and heard the sound I hate, the wavering in her voice. Military spouses are so seasoned at hiding their trouble, that when I hear the voice waiver, I know it’s bad. But if you were to ask how they are, military wives will always say ‘fine’. Ask if they need anything. They will always say ‘Ahh.., nooo’. That right there is the very subtle key for which you are listening. That slightest of pauses and the slightly drawn out ‘no’. If you listen too quickly you’ll miss it. If you hear it, the next puzzle is what to do! Personally, that sound always makes me feel like crying for them (because remember, if you hear it, things are bad). So I have to take a deep breath. Then I try to focus on one concrete detail and I ask about it or talk about it: a date, a time, a ship, an illness, an upcoming event or activity, anything focused and concrete. Typically I end up hesitating or saying something dumb the first time, but I persist and keep trying. Persist! She didn’t hang up on you or turn away. So the persistence is worthwhile. If you can keep the conversation engaged until you sense a sign of relief, you have given that person a wonderful gift which will propel her through the next day, week, month (it doesn’t last a year). These women are resilient. They can take a momentary gift of someone showing care and understanding and feed off of it for a very long time. Definitely say (only if you mean it) ‘If you need something, call me.’ If she does call you, take it as a deep honor. Typically she won’t, because you just gave her the safety net she needs to make it on her own. 11/2009

Two people sitting on base

He was rubbing his friend's back. His friend was hunched over, head on knees. Sorrow or pain held in t-shirts and jeans. The truck was pulled over, hazard lights flashing. The door was still open. They were taking a moment. Rejoice! They were taking a moment! There, on a sunny, breezy San Diego day, sitting in the weeds on the side of a main road on the Marine Corps Base. They needed a minute, or few.
As a passerby I can’t know their story. I couldn’t even tell the gender of the person doubled over. Was she a young wife with morning sickness? Were they two friends who had just lost a buddy in the violence of war? Was she just exhausted with the tensions, unknowns, and weight of having to hold their world together while he was gone? Were they a couple working things out after a long deployment?
Sizing up the situation as I drove up, I quickly decided that the hurting person had help. Nothing I had to offer was needed. A couple of friends, on a busy military base, just needed to stop the world, get out of the car, and take a moment. I hope I see more of that.